Tag Archives: Spirit Guides

Dark Blue Fire

It was shortly after reading a post entitled “Be The Dark” by Druid John Beckett over on Pantheon that I was hit with the visualization. During a break at work I took a moment, closed my eyes and focused on why I felt his blog post had hit me so hard, why had it resonated so strongly with me?  I knew I had been holding back fears, processing angers and doubts.  I also was aware of the information passed on to me from the tarot readings on the recent super moon.   Maintain your center.  Be aware of emotions at full tide.  Balance.

I highly recommend you give it a look.  It’s focus is on what to do if you’re just not feeling connected to the Light?  What if you are still angry, upset and just plain mad?  In the post he talks about how, if you can’t be the Light, you should be the Dark.

Now,  I’m not known for my dark side wanderings.  I shy away from my anger and try to process it.  I typically stick pretty close to the Light and to my connection with nature in the daytime.  Flowers instead of thorns.  However, as I’ve grown older I’ve had an increased urge toward the thorns. As I stopped to think about the Dark, I was reminded of my first encounter with a dark nature spirit which occurred over twenty years ago.  It taught me that all was not as it seemed.

I would consider it a “dark Fey.”  Many, many years ago, I was fortunate enough to live in the country and to have a garage.  I had set up an altar in the garage and I used it as a ritual space for oracle work or meditation.  Two to three times a week, oftentimes more, I would sage and purify the space.  It was a good place.  We would have nearby nature spirits come by for a visit and some took up residence.  Many people commented on how “safe” they felt in that sanctuary.   We would have dinner in there with friends on the nights the Wheel turned.  One night, unable to sleep, I wandered in there to settle myself down for some quiet meditation/visualization at around 2 AM.  Just as I flipped on the light I felt this “whoosh” and had the sense of a dark, flowing spiky thing dashing underneath the cover of the altar table.  I also felt/sensed some of my Fey friends yell,  “turn the light off!”

I did so quickly but immediately went on the defensive.  Though I wanted to immediately go on the defensive, grabbing my sage and calling up shields, I did not.  I didn’t feel it was necessary.  I KNEW the wards on the space were solid and in place.  Whatever it was that was there, it had made it through the wards which meant, by default, it was okay.

I talked to it.  I coaxed it out of from underneath the table.  I asked if it was ok to light a small candle and was told it was.   The spirit felt dark as night and, as I said, spiky, like an odd mix of a goblin, spider and a scorpion.  It was also scared.  I did a quick card reading in hopes of learning more and I pulled the 5 of Pentacles.  Poverty.  Exhaustion.  It was just looking for a place to “warm up.”

With caution, I allowed it to stay the night and to return as needed.  I began to leave it offerings on the spirit plate I kept at that time.  I agreed that the lights in the garage would never come on after midnight or before 7 AM or dawn, whichever came first.  It did return and was always respectful and quite gracious.  It brought a few friends and the energy up there in the middle of the night was incredibly intense.  It was not for the faint of heart.   Over time, I found a friend with that dark spirit.

Now, do not misunderstand me, there is a distinct difference between Dark and Malicious.  Something may be Dark but not malicious or, as much as I hate to use the word, “evil.”  Another way I’ve been told to look at it is to say that some things do not appreciate the light of day time.  Though it may make them fuel for our fears it does not make them evil monsters.  My encounter that night  many years ago and the ones that followed changed the way I look at “shadow” things.  The spirit I met that night was no more evil than a black fox, a panther or a creepy looking spider.  Just because it was “of the dark” did not make it malicious or vengeful or any other stereotypical attributes some might jump towards.  I was reminded of the Batman or The Shadow from my youthful comic book days.  I learned that not all things dark and spiky were negative or evil.

It was my first interaction with “The Dark.”  Over the years, I would have many, many more.

blueflame2

So, today, after reading the post I  mention above  I sat back, centered and, focused on my feelings regarding “being the dark.”  It felt fine.  It felt comfortable.   How odd!  It’s been some time since I had thought about that other side.  I could not ignore the resonance I was feeling.  I’ve known for some time that in order to grow and evolve I would need to look into the darker side of myself.  Was this what it was about?  Is this what the recent events, both at Samhain and the weeks following, were preparing me for?

As I sat and meditated on these questions an image sprang directly in front of my eyes with great power.  It was nothing that I had ever seen before; a single, large dark blue flame with light blue defining it’s flickering, burning edges.  It simply sat in front of me.  I saw nothing else but I felt much more.  I felt strength and, surprisingly, comfort and peace.  Though I felt a presence I heard or sensed no other communication except the sensations I was receiving.  It just hovered there, waiting, until I came out of trance and needed to get back to work.

So, now, I need to look into this further.  What was that Blue Flame all about?  What does it mean?  What about the Dark?  This evening and tomorrow I will be delving into it further as I have time to do so.  If anyone reading this has information on the aspects concerning a dark blue ball of flame with light blue fringes, please feel free to let me know in the comments.

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Dreams

I love dreams and their hidden language. Sometimes there is more to a dream and they become something else. They become powerful, magical memories. These are power dreams and typically hold a wealth of information, joy and beauty. In the past few days I have had two. After holding them for awhile I listened to my intuition and decided to share the latest one here.

It occurred a few nights ago. Most of it is hazy and slipshod in its imagery. However, here is the gist.

I am standing and watching a scene being filmed for a show. The actors are in front of me and I am slightly behind the production cameras. I am a “guest” on the set. There are two male actor/characters in the scene. One is Dr. Who played by Jon Pertwee. The other I do not remember clearly but it might have been Nathan Fillion.   (What’s odd about this is though I am a Dr. Who fan I have no particular connection to the 3rd Doctor.  I don’t think I’ve even watched any of the episodes he is in!  On the other hand, my wife often lovingly remarks that with me, due to my humor and way of presenting myself, she has her very own Nathan Fillion.  I take it as a compliment…)

One thing that can make me giddy with joy is watching two actors fire lines with accurate precision and complexity. Think of scenes like in Sherlock or a Tarantino movie. This is what was playing itself in front of me, an amazing acting scene between a fast talking Timelord and another character. I was getting to see it first hand and, in the dream, I am delighted.

pertwee

The scene finishes and there is applause from those on set. Everyone knows they have seen something special and the actors are happy as well. Pertwee, not breaking character as Dr Who, calls me over as if he knows me and we shake hands. He hugs me and it is like I am being hugged by a long lost brother. It is a wonderful feeling. He claps me on the back and asks my wife and I to walk with him. We, of course, agree.  I remember I felt incredibly happy.

The dream shifts and we are walking outside in what might be London or maybe a nice apartment neighborhood in New York or Chicago.   It is a peaceful and friendly stroll.  The buildings have a old world brick and fieldstone look to them.  I can’t help but think of a typical sidewalk from “A Christmas Carol.”  Pertwee, as the doctor, is still dressed as he should be, in a suit, ruffles and a fancy cape.  There are some trees along the sidewalk and occasionally flowers that have dried and gone to seed.  A light dusting of snow is here and there.   He is talking to me about something and all I remember, of course, is that it was important and, of course, I cannot remember much else of it after I awoke.

But, with crystalline clarity, I remember how it ended.

seedpodsHe stops at a patch of dried flowers and becomes very excited.  “Oh!  Here!  Here!  This is what I was looking for.”  He kneels down and collects the dried seed pods of some columbine flowers.  He turns to me with a healthy smile and says, “Here, lad, these are for you!  They’re very special and you must take care of them!”

He takes my hand and places the brown, crunchy pods in my palm.  I can also see a few tiny black seeds drop from the pods and sit on my skin.  He closes my fingers around them, squeezes my hand tighter and then pats it, “Very special.  Hang on to them!  You’ll need these.”  He is so excited, I start to laugh and I say, “Ok, ok, I got it.”  He pats me again on the shoulder and we continue walking.

There is something about this that causes me to begin to wake up.  The dream begins to fade and he turns and says, “Oh, I thought that might happen.  Well, take care!  Remember, hang on to them!”

I wake up lying on my side.  I am rested and smiling.  I feel wonderful, childlike.  My hand that was holding the seed pods, my right one, is clenched into a fist and hanging a bit out over the edge of the bed.  In the dark I look at my hand and, for a moment, believe that if I open my hand those seed pods will fall out.  I don’t want to wake up because I don’t want to be disappointed!   I keep my hand closed and as I wake up the feeling of something being in my hand fades.  Regardless, I do not open my hand!

Something deep down tells me that I cannot discount this dream or the dream items still in my hand.  Even though I cannot feel them they are still there.   I stumble downstairs and sit in a chair to think about the dream.  I continue to feel wonderful, like it’s a special day, a holiday.  It’s a childlike feeling of wonder and magic.  But, what am I to do with these invisible seed pods?  I need to place them somewhere, store them somewhere until they can be planted.  But where?

Then, it hits me.  I lift my closed hand up and place it over my heart.  I open my hand slowly and press it to my heart chakra.  My heart.  I can store them in my heart and they will be safe.  I will always know where they are and I will always be able to remember the dream, the character who gave them to me and the feeling.  It takes only a few moments but I feel them flow into my heart chakra and in my mind’s eye I see them sitting on a glowing shelf.

Presently, I can still feel them there.  I am, as of yet, unsure what to do with them except to hold them and to use them to remember the dream and how I felt when I woke.  So far, it has been working.

I’ve been thinking back over the imagery and the symbolism of the dream.  I am quite sure I encountered someone there that decided to take the form, for whatever reason, of Dr. Who.  It was a powerful presence, like meeting Santa Claus or Gandalf.  My first guess is that it was my Higher Self.  My current plan is to go into some creative visualizations, some dream time and to see if I can reconnect with him.

Perhaps he can tell me more about the flowers and what I will need them for?

Or…

Perhaps I am to discover that on my own?

 

 


The Quest, Part Three

feyrooms

Back to Part 2

The next day was spent in quiet contemplation of my surroundings and watching Mama Nature do her thing all around me.  I awoke before dawn and made a brief morning fire and brewed some coffee while chewing on a handful of walnuts for breakfast.  It was odd having no schedule, nowhere to be and nothing to do.  To be honest, at first, it was not comfortable.

I think anyone in the modern day with a job and a family would have the same exact issue.  I’d say the first few hours of morning was spent forcing myself to just “be.”  So, against the constant barrage of thoughts that wanted me to “go over here and look at this” or “clean up this part of camp” or “go gather more firewood”, I simply sat still and waited.  In time, the thoughts calmed down and for lack of a better term I “floated” in place.

Later in the morning, I felt a slightly different impulse.  I felt what could only be called a tugging to stand up and go somewhere.  It felt natural, unforced.  So I stood up, grabbed my rods and began asking questions.  Can I leave this space and go for a hike?  Yes.  Will it be beneficial?  Yes.  Am I being called?  Yes.  These and a handful more confirmed to me that I was listening to spirit and not some form of mental distraction.  Once decided, the rods swung northward in a solid direction and I strolled out of camp.

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Departure

I leave in about an hour.  The backpack is packed full to brimming with some clothes, a minimum of food, my cards and other sacred items.  I’m still trying to decide if I need to lug the full water weight I’ve got loaded.  I have a destination but I did not get time to scout it out.  I’ve never been there before so I’m sure THAT will be exciting.  I’ve dowsed a location that turns out to be a fairly large ridge top in a nearby State Forest.  It’ll be about a 2 mile hike from where I’m dropped off by my wife.  She will come and get me late Saturday afternoon.  I’d stay a bit longer but I’ve decided to give myself Sunday to recover before jumping back into 21st Century workflow.

Wednesday morning a host of thunderbirds flew over my county.  They crashed and banged and flashed.  It was spectacular and it was the first “big” thunderstorm we’ve had here so far.  The energy felt pure and charging.  I had a hard time not thinking they might be for me and my quest that started today.  The storms have gone now and here, in the few days I dowsed so many months ago, is a set of near perfect camping days in early June; highs of 80, lows of high 50’s at night.  Again, I had to smile when I saw it all develop.  This morning was crisp and clear and felt brand new.

I have no idea what is in store for me.  I am simply answering a summons that I should have answered last year.  I may not report back everything.  I will need to hold something close, sacred.  Others, if I feel it is alright, I will share.  I will try to take pics and some video but I do not want my phone to go completely dead and I have no way to charge it for three days so it will be off most of the time.  I do not think I even have a signal but I will try to bring back some of the magic along the way.

I drew a Wildwood card today as I was thinking about my packing.  I asked what I needed to know the most about my packing.  It responded with this…

9ofStones

Tradition.  Right.  Got it.  This is one of the reasons I’m thinking of losing the water and filtering what I need once out there.  It’s also why I have a large bundle of sage and tobacco and corn meal.  It’s why I’m taking a pendulum and my dowsing rods.  It’s about remembering the sheer basics and no fluff.  It’s why I’m leaving my fishing gear behind and the novel I thought about reading.  It’s not about that stuff.  It’s about meeting with Goddess, not a camping trip.

I drew one other card this morning as I watched the sun begin to turn the eastern sky yellow.  I asked about the quest, about what I needed to know about today, about the hike, about camp this evening, about all of it.  It seemed to give me a smile and replied with this.

WorldTreeThe Wildwood version of the  Universe card.

So, there it is.  It’s time to give everything up, drop any doubts or fears and to wander into the woods and to see what Spirit has to say.

Be a light in the darkness.  Be a channel for the wind and the Sun and Spirit.

Strength and Light,

Rustus

 

 

 

 

 


The Last Few Weeks

Over the past several weeks I’ve been planning for my vision quest.  As the time draws nearer I’ve been finding myself dealing with more and more synchronicity.  I’ll try and detail some of it here but, quite honestly, things are moving so fast that I think I’ll be trying to do some video updates which can cover more ground at a faster pace.

Here are a few highlights over the past few weeks.  I discovered that my good backpack has gone completely missing which has caused me to rethink quite a bit about my load out.   Though I lament the fact of losing a +$300 backpack (or possibly having it stolen) I’m thankful because it’s forcing me to really only bring the bare minimum which is the point of the quest in the first place!  If I can find a decent knapsack then I might go that way but regardless I am looking at a very sparse loadout.  My current idea is to go with a tarp lean-to and basic bedroll.

Other moments of synchronicity – I was wondering how I would be able to find a good woolen blanket.  A good woolen blanket is a keystone of minimalist camping. The type I need can cost as much as $50 and sometimes go into the $100’s  and I have nothing extra financially to support this crazy idea.  I mentioned to my mother while visiting her on Mother’s Day that I’d love it if she would keep her eyes open for a good wool blanket either in her yard sale trips or while visiting a Goodwill store.  She looked at me with an odd look and said, “What about the good gray one that your Dad used to have?  It’s in the garage.”  Fifteen minutes later I was holding a thick Civil War replica wool blanket that typically goes for +$100.  “Is this what you needed?” she asked.

Through pendulum dowsing I was able to finally ascertain where I am to be camping.  It is a State forest that I never would have thought of going into.  The main reason is that particular forest has a history of being “creepy.”  Now, that being said, I’ve known that the area is THICK with some very serious old spiritual activity and I was surprised I’d not thought of it.  It was a week later when I started dealing with a lot of inner fears about stepping into that environment as part of a Vision Quest.  However, as I worked with my guides, I realized that was EXACTLY what I needed to do.

Speaking of my guides, I’ll talk about it further with a video update but I seemed to have lately (in the past few days) passed a very crucial test.  I’ve been attempting communication with them through a pendulum and a letterboard/spirit board just about every morning at sunrise.  A new entity entered the field and professed to be assigned to help me with the coming Vision Quest.  Needless to say, that turned out not to be true and since that occurred things have been happening around me at a very accelerated pace, almost as if the Powers That Be were waiting to see if I would “get it.”  Well, I got it and it’s been fairly fast paced ever since!

Will try to post a bit more and watch this space for some small video snippets.   I’m less than 20 days out and starting to feel an odd mix of frightened and enlightened!