Category Archives: Narrative

Questions for the New Audience

Hello everyone,

Over the course of the past week or so my email has been lighting up with so many of you subscribing.  Since I have not made any new content in over 5 months this is very curious to me.

First of all, welcome!  I’m not entirely sure what has brought you here but, regardless, thanks for being here.  This page has been living in a bit of limbo for quite some time shortly after my attempt at podcasting fell apart due to a lack of decent equipment and time.

I have moved onward to some new projects related to the aforementioned podcast but have not talked about them here.  My cards are still used but, honestly, not as much as before.  My connection to Nature is a constant things these days and I spend most of my weekends in the woods, hiking and enjoying it’s company.

My biggest question is, those of you who have recently subscribed out of nowhere, what would you like to see?  What brought you here?  Is there something I can write about or focus on that might be of interest to you?  Or, alternatively, are most of these new subscribers nothing but bots in the wind?  Which is, unfortunately, what I am afraid is occurring.

Prove me wrong and let me know in the comments below!

And for any old subscriber still with me, the answer goes out to you as well.  What would you like to see here?

Thanks,

Rusty

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Disconnection (Part 1 of 2)

Over the 2017 Summer the tarot cards did not like me.

Matter of fact, no divination system seemed to like me. It started at the beginning of May and continued throughout the month.  Having been involved with oracles and that type of  communication for over 30 years it was unsettling. There had never been a time where I felt so disconnected or unable to sense the message being put forward.

It started with my daily card draws. I began to get cards like the 9 of Swords, the Tower, and the 3 of Swords day after day. At first, I was concerned about what it meant. Then, as I focused on the real time events throughout the day I realized the cards did not apply at all.

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It’s not personal. It’s practice.

What is insecurity? By default, of course, it is a lack of security. It is a state of being open, unprotected, and a lack of faith in oneself or one’s abilities. What is security? It is confidence that you can’t be harmed, that you are protected OR that you are backed up by something powerful. You have faith in yourself and in something larger. In this realm of magic and myth, the two are interconnected. An insecurity is believing you are not good enough to do “X”. A security is knowing no matter what happens, you can do “X” for the right reasons and still learn something even if you don’t succeed.

An insecurity will make you confused, anxious or be in doubt if you receive a negative comment. They undermine you. With security, you fall back on your training, you shrug it off as no big deal.

At the Morrigan’s request, I’ve been exploring the origins of my own insecurities. It’s been going on for several days now with reviews of my childhood, my adolescence, what made me me, etc.  It’s a bit like volunteering to dig into your own dirt before the warrior queen standing next to you hits you with the shovel.

In martial arts there is a jumping off point beginners have to learn. It’s not only learning how to hit someone (most people just don’t know how or, thankfully, have never had to) but it’s also learning how to take a hit. How it feels to take a shot to the blocking arm or to the body. It’s learning how to deal with the pain and the distracting sensations. You eventually get to a point where you feel it but it’s not necessarily pain. It’s just a sensation and you keep going. You build up a tolerance. You also build up confidence.

Two mornings ago I had a dream with the Morrigan.  As usual, she was in full black battle armor, dark mail gloves, boots and her black cloak of crow feathers.  We stood on frozen bare earth, in a clearing with dark pine woods encircling us.  There was not so much snow on the ground as just heavy frost.  There was snow in the pines, I remember that. There was a chill in the air, little glitterings of frost in the air and I could see our breath as we spoke.  The ground crunched underneath us as we stepped and moved.

She was punching me.  It was a type of martial training and she kept coming in with these heavy shots of those black mailed fists. WHAM! WhaM! I kept my head covered, taking the shots, feeling their impact on my upper arm, my shoulder as I covered. I could feel the cold metal of her gauntlets hitting me, the cold making the sensation worse. As soon as a punch landed I would attempt to grab, wrap and counter-strike. She would kick me off of or slide out and then bring the other fist around. I’d dodge one or two then WHAM!

Then, we would step back. She would say something, point to my blocking arm, point to me, say something else. She was blunt, direct but I don’t remember her words. All I know is that She wanted me to get used to the feeling of being punched by a hard mailed fist. It was part of the training. I was sore and bleeding but not tired.

Then, we would go again. I’m not sure how long the dream had gone. All I know is that she stopped, nodded and did her disappearing act.

I woke up.

I chewed on the meaning of the dream for some time. Finally, she whispered a clue in my ear, “Insecurities.” And then, I understood. In the dream-time, where symbols are key, she was symbolically teaching me how to shake off the veritable “slings and arrows” that make up insecurities. She was toughening me up.  I was being taught to react to those insecurities as you would take a hit in martial arts training.  Don’t get emotional.  It’s not personal.  It’s practice.

Later in the day I heard her again and wrote this out quickly on a notepad file. “”With an insecurity, you can’t take the hit. You can’t take a negative comment. You’re scared of opinions, you scared of what others think, you allow yourself to be controlled by others and are unable to stand your ground unless angry or mad. When that happens, when emotion takes over, you cannot react with skill. A warrior should react with skill and control.”

“Insecurities bring you doubt. They cause hesitation. They knock you off-balance. In training you learn they are nothing, that they do not effect you and they do not stick. If this is practiced you are then able to act in calm and confidence.  You can stand your ground without your ego interfering.”

“When you can do that, you’re ready.”

My next question was, of course, “Ready for what?”

“Growth,” was her single answer.

 


Keeping On Track

Since Samhain things have continued to move forward, the flog clearing.  A few things have come up since then and I thought that even if it turns into a short post I would catch you up.  Since my last post I have been very focused on making sure the fog does not “slip back in.”  I’ve started a few routines to help with it.  I’m sure some of you may already do these things.  If not, perhaps they might give you some ideas of your own.

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At least twice a day, I re-affirm the magic and spirituality of life

What I mean by this is I try to take some time, at least twice a day, to really appreciate Spirit.  I do this in different ways.  This may be a short as a minute or two or it might be longer.  It just depends on what is going on and how much time I have in the morning or the evening.  It can be a simple thought about spirit or ancestors, a musing on the interconnected nature of everything while sitting quietly, or perhaps just stopping to count my breath for a few moments while I watch a spider at lunch.

I  started a magical / paranormal journal

This has been started several times but it always crashed and burned.  This was because I was stuck on it being handwritten and having all the different aspects of my magical life crammed into one tome.  My hand would often cramp up from trying to get everything in there and I found valuable free time going to catching up on my entries instead of doing a reading or experimenting with dowsing.  I started a digital journal, created some tags to help me find things and began to document this new phase of my life.   I agreed with myself that I would hold no reservation on how long or how short an entry may be and I could enter multiple entries a day if I wished.  There are no rules.  It has helped immensely.

I ask myself, “What is Spirit trying to tell me here?”

In any situation, from a stressful work moment to a peaceful lunch among falling autumn leaves, I pause and ask that simple question. I ask gently.  Then, I take a few seconds and just listen.  Sometimes there is no answer and I don’t push for one.  Other times I’ve heard some really great answers.

I relaxed and gave up.

Let me be clear, this was not in a depressing way.  I’ve just started to just let things be… well… things.  I’ve stopped pushing so much for answers.  Better yet, you could say I’ve stopped pushing for the answers I wanted to hear.

And that’s it.  I just try to pay attention more and work towards not going “unconscious” again.

It feels good.

I feel like I’m coming back around to a place of solidity which I have not seen in a long, long while.

 

 

 


Initial Introductions are Given

Settle yourself in, dear reader, for this is a rambling post.  I had thought to break into two smaller posts and perhaps I should have.  Do let me know if posts like this are too long!

I was able to break free for half of an afternoon.  The weather was rainy and I had nearly opted not to go.  However, after dowsing a quick weather forecast, I was informed that, contrary to the forecasters, I would not have much to worry about in the way of rain and thunderstorms.  So, tossing on my hiking shoes and grabbing my supplies, I headed out.

My work with the boundary was mostly finished.  Any extra details would need to wait until Autumn as the undergrowth had simply become to thick to make any kind of decent survey and to get an exact perimeter on a map.  I knew it well enough in my head and my intent for this trip was to simply get to know some of the local spirits of the place and to reconnect with Nature.

TrailThe day was cool and damp.  Rain fell intermittently but there was no concern about getting drenched.  Coming in at the trail and saying hello at the boundary marker, I was quickly “waved in” after a quick hello to the trees there.   Because of the weather, the park and the woods were deserted.  If it were not for the occasional sound of cars, I could have easily been in remote forest.  Leaning against one of the trees I asked if it knew where I should go.  I immediately saw a “mental movie” of me crossing the stream and walking back towards the first spring that came up and out of a rocky, limestone shelf.  I couldn’t get much clearer than that!

I pulled out my rods and began.  First, I was taken to the abandoned tent I had found earlier.  I wanted to check the site again and the rods agreed.  Because of the excessive growth and lack of clear sight lines, I missed the fallen tree where the tent had been.  Of course, the rods put me back on track and led me directly to the site.  Everything was the same as it was and I re-arranged the tent in it’s bag to be more visible, placing it next to the pot.  The site was still well hidden, even more so with the increase in growth all around it.  Someone would have to know it was there to find it again.  I wondered if the tent would ever just “disappear” one day.

Moving away from there I strolled easily down a game trail towards the creek and crossed it.

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A Lesson in Not Knowing

(A brief warning, this is not a happy story.  However, I present it as an illustration of what sometimes occurs in a spiritual/magical life.  I felt it was important to do so.  There are things that occur and you are left with only a sense that “something” occurred but given no hard data, no magical entrance of a spirit teacher to explain it all out for you.  Oftentimes, these are sad things.  You are left with only enough information to make out a dim sense of what it “might” have been about.  This is one such story.)

Occasionally, my intuition will kick in and give a very loud warning that is very hard to ignore.  It is hard to describe.  When it occurs in my life now it is an overwhelming tightness in my shoulders and a mounting sense of dread.  It happens very quickly and I get information on what to do just as fast.  I jokingly refer to it as my “spider sense.”

The first time I realized I had it was when I was very young and we were taking my father to the airport for a flight.  We were in a hurry as he was late.  It manifested differently then.  I remember being very nervous, distraught and did not want to get into the car.  I was also very nauseous.  Being, I think, 7 years old, I voiced my concern but it was misinterpreted by my parents as a small boy not wanting his father to leave on a long trip.  On the way there, we were nearly in a fatal accident when a semi-truck flipped over an overhead overpass and landed directly in front of us!  We were unhurt but ever since that day it drove into me the fact that intuition is a very real thing and the importance of paying attention to it no matter what.

Whenever I am driving, I will sometimes feel a strong jolt of information that says, in short, “Do not continue the way you are going.  Take a different route.”  I always hear it but there have been times in the past where I did not listen and wish I had.  To be fair, there have been a few times when nothing dangerous occurred.  However, there has ALWAYS been something occur along the route I had been warned not to go whether that be a near-miss from a running cat, a herd of deer running across the road or a drunken walker stumbling along the side of the road.  Even then, I wonder what would have occurred if I had not been on edge while driving that route and ignoring my intuition.  As I grew older I stopped being stubborn about it and simply turned when my intuition told me to turn.

A few nights ago, I was driving my family home from a wonderful Mother’s Day visit.  It was dark, rainy and we were on the highway.

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A Troubling Find

Near the end of finishing up my perimeter work, I came across my first complication in my work with the glen.  I was traveling off-path and basically beating the bushes as I did my best to follow the line from large tree to another.  I had no idea where the line would lead next though it appeared to be aiming at another large tulip poplar dead ahead.   Sure enough, the line held steady, touching the back edge of the tree, placing most of it within the perimeter.  As usual, I began to see if the line connected onward or did it turn at the tree?   It continued onward.

As I stepped forward the next few feet the rods took a very unusual turn to the right.  It was more of a twitch or a jerk, actually.   It was not something that I had seen with this type of work and I retraced my steps to be sure.  Yes, it was still there and the rods took me on an odd curving angle towards another tree and then turned a hard right 90 degrees.  They then held steady.  I retraced things to confirm and yes, it was correct.

Taking another step, I saw that I was coming up on one of the walking paths that cuts through the woods.    As I took another step I saw a flash of bright red under some brush.

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