Category Archives: Morrigan

A Casual “Walk and Talk”

Over the weekend I took to the park again to record another video.  I enjoyed my first foray into doing a video log and wanted to continue.  This time I wanted to create more of a “walk and talk” while I ask a very important question which has been on my mind.

If you don’t have the ability to watch the video then let me sum things up.  The question at hand was how important is it for me to show my identity on my videos?  Is it an aspect that helps bolster the connection and the communication or does it just become a matter of a talking head?  I have concerns regarding my privacy which are addressed in the video. They go back for some time and I understand they are one of the major challenges the Morrigan has placed before me for me to resolve.

It’s not that she is saying I should show my face and, in effect, come out of the broom closet.  Instead she simply wants me to become settled with a decision on a heart and soul level.  The video above is part of that Morrigan-led shadow work which has become a focus for me the past few weeks.

I’ve enjoyed making these and will be making more.  The time involved is surprising as I take the vid from the camera, render it into my software, edit, save and then upload it.  Regardless,  I’ll continue to make them for the time being.

What are your thoughts?  In the video I ask everyone to comment or to email me or to message me on Facebook. I would really like to hear the opinions of others on this.  Please give it a watch if you can.  As said in the video, feel free to comment here or elsewhere what your thoughts may be.  Hearing other’s opinions can sometimes help me find my way through the thicket of having too many of my own.

And, added bonus, there’s some small wildlife encounters along the way to cheer you up.

 


Shadow Boxing

What is insecurity? By default, of course, it is a lack of security. It is a state of being open, unprotected, and a lack of faith in oneself or one’s abilities. What is security? It is confidence that you can’t be harmed, that you are protected OR that you are backed up by something powerful. You have faith in yourself and in something larger. In this realm of magic and myth, the two are interconnected. An insecurity is believing you are not good enough to do “X”. A security is knowing no matter what happens, you can do “X” for the right reasons and still learn something even if you don’t succeed.

An insecurity will make you confused, anxious or be in doubt if you receive a negative comment. They undermine you. With security, you fall back on your training, you shrug it off as no big deal.

At the Morrigan’s request, I’ve been exploring the origins of my own insecurities. It’s been going on for several days now with reviews of my childhood, my adolescence, what made me me, etc.  It’s a bit like volunteering to dig into your own dirt before the warrior queen standing next to you hits you with the shovel.

In martial arts there is a jumping off point beginners have to learn. It’s not only learning how to hit someone (most people just don’t know how or, thankfully, have never had to) but it’s also learning how to take a hit. How it feels to take a shot to the blocking arm or to the body. It’s learning how to deal with the pain and the distracting sensations. You eventually get to a point where you feel it but it’s not necessarily pain. It’s just a sensation and you keep going. You build up a tolerance. You also build up confidence.

Two mornings ago I had a dream with the Morrigan.  As usual, she was in full black battle armor, dark mail gloves, boots and her black cloak of crow feathers.  We stood on frozen bare earth, in a clearing with dark pine woods encircling us.  There was not so much snow on the ground as just heavy frost.  There was snow in the pines, I remember that. There was a chill in the air, little glitterings of frost in the air and I could see our breath as we spoke.  The ground crunched underneath us as we stepped and moved.

She was punching me.  It was a type of martial training and she kept coming in with these heavy shots of those black mailed fists. WHAM! WhaM! I kept my head covered, taking the shots, feeling their impact on my upper arm, my shoulder as I covered. I could feel the cold metal of her gauntlets hitting me, the cold making the sensation worse. As soon as a punch landed I would attempt to grab, wrap and counter-strike. She would kick me off of or slide out and then bring the other fist around. I’d dodge one or two then WHAM!

Then, we would step back. She would say something, point to my blocking arm, point to me, say something else. She was blunt, direct but I don’t remember her words. All I know is that She wanted me to get used to the feeling of being punched by a hard mailed fist. It was part of the training. I was sore and bleeding but not tired.

Then, we would go again. I’m not sure how long the dream had gone. All I know is that she stopped, nodded and did her disappearing act.

I woke up.

I chewed on the meaning of the dream for some time. Finally, she whispered a clue in my ear, “Insecurities.” And then, I understood. In the dream-time, where symbols are key, she was symbolically teaching me how to shake off the veritable “slings and arrows” that make up insecurities. She was toughening me up.  I was being taught to react to those insecurities as you would take a hit in martial arts training.  Don’t get emotional.  It’s not personal.  It’s practice.

Later in the day I heard her again and wrote this out quickly on a notepad file. “”With an insecurity, you can’t take the hit. You can’t take a negative comment. You’re scared of opinions, you scared of what others think, you allow yourself to be controlled by others and are unable to stand your ground unless angry or mad. When that happens, when emotion takes over, you cannot react with skill. A warrior should react with skill and control.”

“Insecurities bring you doubt. They cause hesitation. They knock you off-balance. In training you learn they are nothing, that they do not effect you and they do not stick. If this is practiced you are then able to act in calm and confidence.  You can stand your ground without your ego interfering.”

“When you can do that, you’re ready.”

My next question was, of course, “Ready for what?”

“Growth,” was her single answer.

 


“One Card for You, One Card for Me.”

Since speaking with the Morrigan and agreeing to work with her I had a day where she was just not around.  Monday was fairly normal and the first day in a week where the blue flame image wasn’t prominent in my inner vision.  I spent the day asking, for the most part, “Ok, what next?”

This morning, during my morning card reading, she returned.  I was shuffling my Wildwood tarot and I felt her arrive.  This, in itself, is very hard to describe. It is a simple knowing, a presence.  I feel a shift and the dark blue flames tingle up my arms.

I greeted her and heard her say, “You asked a question about our work?”  I agreed and a simple statement came to my inner ear, “One card for you, one card for me.”  She stared at me and stayed behind my left shoulder as I drew both cards.  With the second card, I could feel her guiding my hand to the card.

So, there it was.  One card would be for my physical day, work, life, family, etc.  The second card would be for her.  It would tell me my first trial.  Fair enough.

I won’t show many of these and I’m guessing there will be several such lessons from her through the cards.  I’ve decided to show you this one because once you see the cards you’ll see just how apt the whole thing ended up being.  It’s also a bit of proof that the Morrigan is direct, engaging and no-nonsense.

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The first card, the card for me, the Four of Arrows, is about rest, about taking it easy.  Today, for me, is very much like this.  With the holiday nearby and me being off tomorrow, today will be easy.  After the intense weeks I have run since September, this is a welcome site.   More importantly, it’s a call to engage that rest, to be conscious of it.

The second card, the card from her.  Seven of Arrows ~ Insecurity.

Straight to the point.  The first step of the Morrigan’s teaching?  Time to dig up those insecurities and start looking at them.

“Start today and use your rest wisely,” she said.  “These insecurities need to go first before we continue and you will know when to draw the next card.  Address them, tend to them.  Sort them out and identify them.  It will be easier to weed them out.”

“All of them?”

“If not all, most,” she said and gave me that direct, black-eye stare.

“Well,” I said jokingly, “I’m gonna need a bigger boat.”

She just stared at me, gave me a half smile and a crook of an eyebrow to show me amusement and disappeared again.

She’s fond of me.  I can tell.

 

 


The Queen of Crows

(This is a very personal post which I did not want to initially publish.  I believe that part of my work with the Morrigan is to show my process with her, to help others to see or understand.  She has told me this isn’t for me.  It’s helpful and is necessary.  To be honest, I cannot guarantee I will keep this post up for very long.  We will see how this goes.)

On Sunday, I took a walk out into a chilly morning right after dawn to have a little sit down chat with the Morrigan.  You know, like you do…  I felt called to shoot a little video before hand which I did.  It’s over on my youtube channel if you want to see it.  I think now it was just a way for me to calm my nerves and to have some record in case I disappeared, swooped up in a dark cloud of crow wings and fury.  (Just kidding…I think.)

Shortly after filming I sat there and talked to her.  Well, I talked, she mainly listened.  Sitting on a log, nestled by some sheltering cedar from the cold breeze.  I was alone in meditation.  My eyes were closed, focused on my inner vision.

Unlike other spirits or visions, contact with her is crystal clear.  There are no “halfway” ideas of what I saw or didn’t see.  I don’t have to stretch for anything.  It’s typically in high-def.   Unlike the unclothed and long-maned Dark Lady from the Faeries Oracle, she was dressed in bulky, weathered, black leather armor, crow feathers and dark fur at her shoulders.  Her hair was black and unruly, cropped short falling just above her eyebrows and just below her ears. It looked like it had been cut with a knife.  On her back draped a long cloak that shimmered between dark blue, black and crow/raven feathers.

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