Category Archives: Healing

Disconnection (Part 1 of 2)

Over the 2017 Summer the tarot cards did not like me.

Matter of fact, no divination system seemed to like me. It started at the beginning of May and continued throughout the month.  Having been involved with oracles and that type of  communication for over 30 years it was unsettling. There had never been a time where I felt so disconnected or unable to sense the message being put forward.

It started with my daily card draws. I began to get cards like the 9 of Swords, the Tower, and the 3 of Swords day after day. At first, I was concerned about what it meant. Then, as I focused on the real time events throughout the day I realized the cards did not apply at all.

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It’s not personal. It’s practice.

What is insecurity? By default, of course, it is a lack of security. It is a state of being open, unprotected, and a lack of faith in oneself or one’s abilities. What is security? It is confidence that you can’t be harmed, that you are protected OR that you are backed up by something powerful. You have faith in yourself and in something larger. In this realm of magic and myth, the two are interconnected. An insecurity is believing you are not good enough to do “X”. A security is knowing no matter what happens, you can do “X” for the right reasons and still learn something even if you don’t succeed.

An insecurity will make you confused, anxious or be in doubt if you receive a negative comment. They undermine you. With security, you fall back on your training, you shrug it off as no big deal.

At the Morrigan’s request, I’ve been exploring the origins of my own insecurities. It’s been going on for several days now with reviews of my childhood, my adolescence, what made me me, etc.  It’s a bit like volunteering to dig into your own dirt before the warrior queen standing next to you hits you with the shovel.

In martial arts there is a jumping off point beginners have to learn. It’s not only learning how to hit someone (most people just don’t know how or, thankfully, have never had to) but it’s also learning how to take a hit. How it feels to take a shot to the blocking arm or to the body. It’s learning how to deal with the pain and the distracting sensations. You eventually get to a point where you feel it but it’s not necessarily pain. It’s just a sensation and you keep going. You build up a tolerance. You also build up confidence.

Two mornings ago I had a dream with the Morrigan.  As usual, she was in full black battle armor, dark mail gloves, boots and her black cloak of crow feathers.  We stood on frozen bare earth, in a clearing with dark pine woods encircling us.  There was not so much snow on the ground as just heavy frost.  There was snow in the pines, I remember that. There was a chill in the air, little glitterings of frost in the air and I could see our breath as we spoke.  The ground crunched underneath us as we stepped and moved.

She was punching me.  It was a type of martial training and she kept coming in with these heavy shots of those black mailed fists. WHAM! WhaM! I kept my head covered, taking the shots, feeling their impact on my upper arm, my shoulder as I covered. I could feel the cold metal of her gauntlets hitting me, the cold making the sensation worse. As soon as a punch landed I would attempt to grab, wrap and counter-strike. She would kick me off of or slide out and then bring the other fist around. I’d dodge one or two then WHAM!

Then, we would step back. She would say something, point to my blocking arm, point to me, say something else. She was blunt, direct but I don’t remember her words. All I know is that She wanted me to get used to the feeling of being punched by a hard mailed fist. It was part of the training. I was sore and bleeding but not tired.

Then, we would go again. I’m not sure how long the dream had gone. All I know is that she stopped, nodded and did her disappearing act.

I woke up.

I chewed on the meaning of the dream for some time. Finally, she whispered a clue in my ear, “Insecurities.” And then, I understood. In the dream-time, where symbols are key, she was symbolically teaching me how to shake off the veritable “slings and arrows” that make up insecurities. She was toughening me up.  I was being taught to react to those insecurities as you would take a hit in martial arts training.  Don’t get emotional.  It’s not personal.  It’s practice.

Later in the day I heard her again and wrote this out quickly on a notepad file. “”With an insecurity, you can’t take the hit. You can’t take a negative comment. You’re scared of opinions, you scared of what others think, you allow yourself to be controlled by others and are unable to stand your ground unless angry or mad. When that happens, when emotion takes over, you cannot react with skill. A warrior should react with skill and control.”

“Insecurities bring you doubt. They cause hesitation. They knock you off-balance. In training you learn they are nothing, that they do not effect you and they do not stick. If this is practiced you are then able to act in calm and confidence.  You can stand your ground without your ego interfering.”

“When you can do that, you’re ready.”

My next question was, of course, “Ready for what?”

“Growth,” was her single answer.

 


Tonight 11-11

A quick post before more time goes by.

In light of recent events over the past few days, this evening at 11:00 PM EST I will be sitting down in peace.   I will be taking time to focus on peace, care, illumination and healing for any and all  who may need it.   This is a turbulent, historic time and it stands to possibly get worse.  It feels as if the whole country and the world is holding it’s breath.  If nothing else, it is a little positive energy focused onto a weary world.

Please join me for whatever time you have available in whatever way suits you the best.   This morning at 11 AM I simply took a quick break and stood in a stairwell, focused on my breath and asked for the above.  It only took 5 minutes.  Tonight, I may go longer but there is no time limit.  Do what you can.

Peace.


Keeping On Track

(Note – This was originally drafted on Nov 6th, just before the election.)

Since Samhain things have continued to move forward, the flog clearing.  A few things have come up since then and I thought that even if it turns into a short post I would catch you up.  Since my last post I have been very focused on making sure the fog does not “slip back in.”  I’ve started a few routines to help with it.  I’m sure some of you may already do these things.  If not, perhaps they might give you some ideas of your own.

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At least twice a day, I re-affirm the magic and spirituality of life

What I mean by this is I try to take some time, at least twice a day, to really appreciate Spirit.  I do this in different ways.  This may be a short as a minute or two or it might be longer.  It just depends on what is going on and how much time I have in the morning or the evening.  It can be a simple thought about spirit or ancestors, a musing on the interconnected nature of everything while sitting quietly, or perhaps just stopping to count my breath for a few moments while I watch a spider at lunch.

I  started a magical / paranormal journal

This has been started several times but it always crashed and burned.  This was because I was stuck on it being handwritten and having all the different aspects of my magical life crammed into one tome.  My hand would often cramp up from trying to get everything in there and I found valuable free time going to catching up on my entries instead of doing a reading or experimenting with dowsing.  I started a digital journal, created some tags to help me find things and began to document this new phase of my life.   I agreed with myself that I would hold no reservation on how long or how short an entry may be and I could enter multiple entries a day if I wished.  There are no rules.  It has helped immensely.

I ask myself, “What is Spirit trying to tell me here?”

In any situation, from a stressful work moment to a peaceful lunch among falling autumn leaves, I pause and ask that simple question. I ask gently.  Then, I take a few seconds and just listen.  Sometimes there is no answer and I don’t push for one.  Other times I’ve heard some really great answers.

I relaxed and gave up.

Let me be clear, this was not in a depressing way.  I’ve just started to just let things be… well… things.  I’ve stopped pushing so much for answers.  Better yet, you could say I’ve stopped pushing for the answers I wanted to hear.

And that’s it.  I just try to pay attention more and work towards not going “unconscious” again.

It feels good.

I feel like I’m coming back around to a place of solidity which I have not seen in a long, long while.

 

 

 


Spring Boil

Have you ever watched a pot of water go to a rolling boil?  The water is placid at first.  Then, it will begin to move and small bubbles appear on the sides of the container.  Next, the water will start to shift and move as the energy begins to build.  Eventually, the water begins to bubble and then, finally, boil.

SpringFlowerThis next statement easily falls into the “Nothing New” category but what I have found while working and dowsing with Earth Energy and Earth Spirits is that the same thing occurs every Spring.  Here in the Midwest, the energy first begins to move and bubble around early February.  It’s also no surprise that it’s also about the time the maple trees begin to move their sap.  It’s the first marker.  The energy is slow and sluggish of course but by March it’s starting to charge up.  Early bubbles start to form.  In answer to this, migratory birds begin to move.  For that matter, everything starts to move.  By April, we are into a gentle boil.  Is it any wonder that so many world religions have festivals during this time?  By May, energy-wise, we’re at a full rolling boil!

I once dowsed for the when the highest energy levels occur throughout the year and, again, no surprise the peak energies occur around Beltaine.  By June, things are beginning to settle and we simmer up and through Summer.  However, May is THE keypoint of the energy build.  I’ve not confirmed this but would guess it occurs around the May Full Moon?  (Again, read Beltaine.)

As I write this today, things are definitely boiling in my neck of the woods.  All the Spring plants have made their appearance and the mushrooms have started to show from under leaf and litter.  My point in all this is that it’s one thing to acknowledge what is occurring.  It’s quite another to interact with it!  The energy is so strong right now and keywords for it would be rebirth, renewal, rejuvenation.  In working with friends and clients who are going through stressful times during this cycle of the year I always ask them, “Have you been able to get in touch with Spring?”  The usual response is, “Oh,  a little bit.  It’s nice but I haven’t had time to get outside.”  I usually tell them that “a little bit” is good but “a lot” is crucial!  I also remind them that I didn’t ask if they went outside.  I asked if they were getting in touch with Spring!

troutlilyOne important thing to remember is that going outside is always a good answer but there may be reasons you are unable to do so; work, allergies, other distractions, other responsibilities.   You don’t HAVE to be outside to get the benefit of this energy right now.  It is about how you focus your interaction with it.  Earth energy is pervasive and does not stop at the edges of your home’s window or your office’s wall.   If there was any kind of regenerative, renewing energy it’s the energy of the boundless Spring.

Connecting to it is easier than you might think.  It’s a simple matter of intent.  I was given this little exercise.  What does “Spring Energy” look like to you?  Is it flowers?  Spring rain?  Daisies and tulips pushing through old dead leaves?  Is it the smell of rain?  Birds if bright breeding plummage?  Maybe it’s a combination.  Maybe it’s a place? Whatever it is, come up with a mental image of what Spring means to you.  Do this with your eyes open or closed, whichever is most comfortable to you.

Take a few deep breaths and in your mind’s eye picture yourself with that image, standing within that image.  Once you have that, picture yourself reaching out and touching whatever “feels” right to touch in the image.  A flower petal?  Placing your hand in a cool, fresh stream?  Letting an insect or butterfly land on your hand?  Reach out and touch that energy.  Then, let that energy mingle with your energy.  How does it feel?  It should feel pretty good!  Once you get in contact with it you might feel a pulsing and rolling.  Maybe a bit of an energetic boil?  Dare I say a buzz?  You should feel lighter, healthier.  I know that I often feel an energy burst like I’ve had a cup of strong coffee.  Hold that connection for as long as you would like and then, when you are finished, thank it and simply let go.

(Alternatively, you can of course do the same by looking out a window and focusing on a flower, a budding tree, a bird.  It’s a matter of focusing and the intent of connecting to that Spring energy.)

If you do this throughout the days of Spring you should notice some very beneficial effects to your mood and your energy.  You can do it only once or you can do it throughout the day.  Personally, I do this exercise multiple times throughout the day and evening.   The energy is everywhere right now and it’s source is eternal.  It’s there for you to use so why ignore it?

 


Coming of the Thunders

Over the past two weeks I have awoke with the following words echoing in my mind, “It is time to await the coming of the Thunders.”  To some this may seem like quite the puzzling phrase.  For me, however, it is very different.  I can’t remember when I first heard it or read it but it was within the sphere of Native American spirituality.  I believe it was the Plains tribes, possibly the Sioux.  It revolves around the idea that the first sound of thunder in the Spring signals the opening of the Vision Quest time or season.  When I heard it  a week or so ago I knew what it meant.  It was time for me to head out into the woods and do some inner searching.

Two days later, as yet another thick snow fell on my area, I awoke to it again.  And then again.  Someone was getting a message through and it wasn’t until I got up, had my coffee and to the rising sun said, “I hear you and I will come,” did the words finally cease.  I understood what it was saying.  It was important.  I heard something similar last year and because of the new job and other things occurring in my life I chose not to go.  Trying to carve out 3 to 4 full days of time in the woods and nothing else was very difficult then.  I think Spirit understood and backed off within a few days.  This time though it was not letting up.  It was time and I needed to go.  I could feel it very deep within me and it echoed other issues I have been having with myself.   The message, coming to me in late February, was a way to give me enough warning to get everything lined up for what was necessary.

Since that occurred I’ve spent a little time each day thinking about it and getting ideas as to how I want to, or need to, proceed.  One thing that came to me was that I needed to record that preparation and that journey here.  So, I am doing so and, hopefully, it will get me back in the habit of posting more on this blog!

There is a journey ahead and I need to prepare.


Re-Awakening

When I started this path over twenty years ago, one of the things I wanted more than anything was to find a hawk feather.  I had been told in a vision that when I found the feather it would be a signal from the Universe and Mother Nature that I had “arrived.”  That it would be a marker that I had “made it” to a certain level of competence.   That this would bring me great confidence, great connection and great responsibility.  I would not receive the feather until I was ready to use what I had been taught wisely and for others.

As a youth, I looked high and low.  I mistook turkey feathers and owl feathers.  I would find a feather I didn’t recognize and rush to ID it.   I really WANTED that marker.  I wanted it a bit too much.  Hawk has appeared to me more times than I can count and has been a constant herald of incoming change or messages.  He or she has never dropped me a feather.

It has, indeed, been a hectic time for me since the Winter Solstice.  New job, new apartment, new life.  With the arrival of late Spring and Summer most of my free time has been spent out with Mother Nature.  As first harvest came and went, I was even busier harvesting the garden and numerous plants for my natural dye work which I started last year.  Between this, family, work, and more impending change, I was running myself in numerous directions.

Then, I got sick.  It hit me hard last weekend.  A one-two punch of sinus and bronchial that has leveled me for four days.  I’ve not been that sick for several years.  When that happens I always pay attention and try to figure out what it’s telling me.

I took a long hot bath on the night of the Blue Moon and during it I tranced.  Being submerged in the water, my hand providing a cushion which kept my nose just above the water, I could hear my heart and used it as a drum to take me into Dreamtime.  Once there I was approached by one of my helpers and shown a nasty little “something” that had imbedded itself in my shoulder/neck.  She pulled it and puss drained from it and into the water.  I was told to drain the tub water and to refill.  I surfaced to consciousness and did so.  Once full with soothing hot water, I submerged again with my heart drumming my path downward.

Suddenly, I was shown an image of antlers (I remember it was at least an eight point rack) and in the curve of the rack, slightly above it, within the tines, sat a full, glowing moon.  It filled my vision and I was told that this was important.  This was a symbol of what I followed and what followed me.  This was Unity and that the Time was coming for me.  I was asked, “Do you understand?” I responded, “As much I believe I can, yes.”  I was filled with a deep peace, a sense of health, Unity and happiness.  Other images came to me.  Private ones.  A few of my totems came and went.  Reminding me who they are and that they are around.  They walked/padded/flew in front of the Moon and the Antlers and they each looked at me quietly as they passed, acknowledging our connection.

The scene faded as my daughter knocked on the door, informing me I had been in for over an hour and that she wanted to use the bathroom.

Over an hour?  Wow.  I pulled myself out of Dreamtime and out of the tub.  I felt better but the cold/flu would end up sticking around that evening, the physical symptoms lessening once the spiritual cure was enacted.

Yesterday, while leaving work from home I happened to be walking down a small alley.

Lying to the side was a hawk feather.

I didn’t believe it at first.  I had learned, years ago, to give up in my search.  It would happen if it was supposed to happen.  My constant searching was nothing but immaturity and I needed to let go.  This was probably ten years ago. I stood staring at the feather for a few seconds and then leaned down to gently pick it from the gravel.  I couldn’t help but smile.

Waking this morning from the first deep and restful sleep I’ve had in weeks, I felt renewed and truly awake for the first time in a long time.  The symptoms are nearly gone and I have clarity again.

I am awake.