Category Archives: Faery

It’s not personal. It’s practice.

What is insecurity? By default, of course, it is a lack of security. It is a state of being open, unprotected, and a lack of faith in oneself or one’s abilities. What is security? It is confidence that you can’t be harmed, that you are protected OR that you are backed up by something powerful. You have faith in yourself and in something larger. In this realm of magic and myth, the two are interconnected. An insecurity is believing you are not good enough to do “X”. A security is knowing no matter what happens, you can do “X” for the right reasons and still learn something even if you don’t succeed.

An insecurity will make you confused, anxious or be in doubt if you receive a negative comment. They undermine you. With security, you fall back on your training, you shrug it off as no big deal.

At the Morrigan’s request, I’ve been exploring the origins of my own insecurities. It’s been going on for several days now with reviews of my childhood, my adolescence, what made me me, etc.  It’s a bit like volunteering to dig into your own dirt before the warrior queen standing next to you hits you with the shovel.

In martial arts there is a jumping off point beginners have to learn. It’s not only learning how to hit someone (most people just don’t know how or, thankfully, have never had to) but it’s also learning how to take a hit. How it feels to take a shot to the blocking arm or to the body. It’s learning how to deal with the pain and the distracting sensations. You eventually get to a point where you feel it but it’s not necessarily pain. It’s just a sensation and you keep going. You build up a tolerance. You also build up confidence.

Two mornings ago I had a dream with the Morrigan.  As usual, she was in full black battle armor, dark mail gloves, boots and her black cloak of crow feathers.  We stood on frozen bare earth, in a clearing with dark pine woods encircling us.  There was not so much snow on the ground as just heavy frost.  There was snow in the pines, I remember that. There was a chill in the air, little glitterings of frost in the air and I could see our breath as we spoke.  The ground crunched underneath us as we stepped and moved.

She was punching me.  It was a type of martial training and she kept coming in with these heavy shots of those black mailed fists. WHAM! WhaM! I kept my head covered, taking the shots, feeling their impact on my upper arm, my shoulder as I covered. I could feel the cold metal of her gauntlets hitting me, the cold making the sensation worse. As soon as a punch landed I would attempt to grab, wrap and counter-strike. She would kick me off of or slide out and then bring the other fist around. I’d dodge one or two then WHAM!

Then, we would step back. She would say something, point to my blocking arm, point to me, say something else. She was blunt, direct but I don’t remember her words. All I know is that She wanted me to get used to the feeling of being punched by a hard mailed fist. It was part of the training. I was sore and bleeding but not tired.

Then, we would go again. I’m not sure how long the dream had gone. All I know is that she stopped, nodded and did her disappearing act.

I woke up.

I chewed on the meaning of the dream for some time. Finally, she whispered a clue in my ear, “Insecurities.” And then, I understood. In the dream-time, where symbols are key, she was symbolically teaching me how to shake off the veritable “slings and arrows” that make up insecurities. She was toughening me up.  I was being taught to react to those insecurities as you would take a hit in martial arts training.  Don’t get emotional.  It’s not personal.  It’s practice.

Later in the day I heard her again and wrote this out quickly on a notepad file. “”With an insecurity, you can’t take the hit. You can’t take a negative comment. You’re scared of opinions, you scared of what others think, you allow yourself to be controlled by others and are unable to stand your ground unless angry or mad. When that happens, when emotion takes over, you cannot react with skill. A warrior should react with skill and control.”

“Insecurities bring you doubt. They cause hesitation. They knock you off-balance. In training you learn they are nothing, that they do not effect you and they do not stick. If this is practiced you are then able to act in calm and confidence.  You can stand your ground without your ego interfering.”

“When you can do that, you’re ready.”

My next question was, of course, “Ready for what?”

“Growth,” was her single answer.

 

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Initial Introductions are Given

Settle yourself in, dear reader, for this is a rambling post.  I had thought to break into two smaller posts and perhaps I should have.  Do let me know if posts like this are too long!

I was able to break free for half of an afternoon.  The weather was rainy and I had nearly opted not to go.  However, after dowsing a quick weather forecast, I was informed that, contrary to the forecasters, I would not have much to worry about in the way of rain and thunderstorms.  So, tossing on my hiking shoes and grabbing my supplies, I headed out.

My work with the boundary was mostly finished.  Any extra details would need to wait until Autumn as the undergrowth had simply become to thick to make any kind of decent survey and to get an exact perimeter on a map.  I knew it well enough in my head and my intent for this trip was to simply get to know some of the local spirits of the place and to reconnect with Nature.

TrailThe day was cool and damp.  Rain fell intermittently but there was no concern about getting drenched.  Coming in at the trail and saying hello at the boundary marker, I was quickly “waved in” after a quick hello to the trees there.   Because of the weather, the park and the woods were deserted.  If it were not for the occasional sound of cars, I could have easily been in remote forest.  Leaning against one of the trees I asked if it knew where I should go.  I immediately saw a “mental movie” of me crossing the stream and walking back towards the first spring that came up and out of a rocky, limestone shelf.  I couldn’t get much clearer than that!

I pulled out my rods and began.  First, I was taken to the abandoned tent I had found earlier.  I wanted to check the site again and the rods agreed.  Because of the excessive growth and lack of clear sight lines, I missed the fallen tree where the tent had been.  Of course, the rods put me back on track and led me directly to the site.  Everything was the same as it was and I re-arranged the tent in it’s bag to be more visible, placing it next to the pot.  The site was still well hidden, even more so with the increase in growth all around it.  Someone would have to know it was there to find it again.  I wondered if the tent would ever just “disappear” one day.

Moving away from there I strolled easily down a game trail towards the creek and crossed it.

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Solstice and Return to the Fey – Part Two

Having pulled my cards and been given the instruction to act the Fool, I simply had to wait for the Solstice to arrive.  I refused to make plans except I knew I needed to go see Grandmother Tulip and wish her a happy summer.  I also knew I wanted to bring her and the Fey some gifts to celebrate Solstice.  I dowsed this for confirmation and asked if I was missing anything.  I was not.  Was I on the right track?  Yes.

With the arrival of Solstice and in a marvelous mood, I let the opportunity arise between a visit to the local farmer’s market, a relaxing breakfast and social time with friends in the Midsummer morning.  Sure enough, without planning, the chance arrived and I headed to the city park where I needed to go with gifts and dowsing rods.  When on the Fool’s path it’s better not to force things!  Arriving at the parking lot, I was surprised to see just how similar of a day it was to the day I had come back to make amends four years ago!

TheField

My wife had said she would go as well so we casually strolled through the sun-kissed field, watched a few butterflies and eventually turned into the tree line.  The narrow path was a bit more overgrown which pleased me because it meant less mundane traffic in the area.  The day was warm but not overbearing and once in the shade of the trees it was very pleasant.  In no time, we were to Grandmother Tulip.

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Solstice and Return to the Fey – Part One

After coming back from my Spirit Quest I wanted to take a look at what I should be doing for the upcoming Summer Solstice.  I had already felt that the coming holiday would be a sort of an “official” launching day for all that I had learned on the quest, for moving forward in accordance with the Wheel.

A few days out,  I drew a single card to get an idea of the overall theme of the coming day and what sort of work I would be doing?  What would be the best focus for me?  As usual, I used my Wildwood tarot and my pendulum.

The card that came up? The Stag.

thestagIn the Wildwood Tarot this is the card for Justice in the Major Arcana of a traditional tarot.  Universal Law and Lore.  Reaping what has been sown.  “Some level of readjustment or interaction has occurred.”  The keyword being Responsibility.  Yikes!  It sounded serious.  I was very aware of the importance of what it was trying to say.  However, I wasn’t sure of specifics and so I opted to wait a day, open myself up and see what communication might occur.  I’ve found that sometimes you have to give yourself distance to the information.  I believe that simply seeing the card, without delving too deeply into the meaning, can have enough impact to begin the information flow.  The problem is that it takes a bit of patience which, on occasion can be a bit frustrating.  Within minutes of deciding I would give myself 24 hours,  I knew that I needed to draw two more cards the following day to attach to the Stag card and this would give me helpful information.

More information came along at a steady pace.  With the impact of the Quest still fresh it would be time to go back over my past and look at past actions, at past habits.  It would be a time of Judgement but not in a harsh way but in an internal reset and renew.  I also began to feel very strongly that the Fey would be involved.  It was a no brainer, actually.  It was Midsummer we were talking about here!  The involvement with the Fey was confirmed that evening with a small session with the dowsing rods.

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100 Posts at Midsummer

I wasn’t really paying attention but when I posted part three of my Quest story WordPress told me it was post number 99!   So, here it is Midsummer Solstice and I thought it was a perfect time to make sure that post  100 happened today.  I’m not sure how much more perfect it could have ended up, really.

It’s caused me to go back through old posts and to read up on things.  What I also discovered was this blog just had a four year birthday back in May (I guess I just wasn’t paying attention!) and I started dowsing five years ago at about the same time.  Has it been that long ago?  A lot of ground has been covered.  When I started the blog I didn’t necessarily have a focus.  I was hoping to take my previous twenty years of experience and cover a whole spectrum of subjects but the blog has, in a way, found it’s own voice.  When I first started I was hesitant and unsure of opening myself up here.  It was difficult at times and on more than one occasion a direct challenge from Spirit to show me that it would be alright if I shared.

solsticetable

Solstice Sunrise at My Reading Table Today

Fresh out of my Spirit Quest, I can’t help but feel that the best is yet to come and that I really have something to share with others.
There is so much “undiscovered country” out there and I’m hoping to take my lengthy experience and explore as much of it as I can.  Moving forward I’m hoping to share a bit more of my daily and weekly experiences and hopefully, through them, offer some instruction as well.  I’ve already made the decision to be led by the rods to fey areas and map them out as best I can.  I’m also wanting to research and find older trees and power spots within my county.  I’ve plinked around this idea for long enough, I think.  My only concern is how I will keep these areas secretive as I would not want people without the proper respect coming into them and “tromping them up” as the Fey have told me happens quite frequently.  A challenge for the future I will have to navigate, I suppose.

flowersToday, I’m heading out to one of the first Fey areas I spoke about on this blog and I’m reintroducing myself to the ones there.  I’ve got a few readings to do as well and then it’s time with family around cakes, World Cup and a big dinner.  This evening I will sit outside under the Midsummer stars, give thanks and hopefully write up a bit of the adventures from today with the Fey.

But, for now, I want to express my thanks to all of you who have come this far with me.  It has been a blessing to know that you are there, reading and listening to my stories and hopefully gleaning from them that, yes, there is magic out there.  Magic that has always been out there and, most importantly, waiting on you to find it.  The only way I can honor the support you’ve shown me is to make this blog better and even more consistent and fun.  This is one of the things I thought a lot about during my Quest and something I very much want to do.

Thank you very much and have a blessed and joyful Midsummer Solstice!

~Rustus~

 

 

 


The Quest, Part Three

feyroomsThe next day was spent in quiet contemplation of my surroundings and watching Mama Nature do her thing all around me.  I awoke before dawn and made a brief morning fire and brewed some coffee while chewing on a handful of walnuts for breakfast.  It was odd having no schedule, nowhere to be and nothing to do.  To be honest, at first, it was not comfortable.

I think anyone in the modern day with a job and a family would have the same exact issue.  I’d say the first few hours of morning was spent forcing myself to just “be.”  So, against the constant barrage of thoughts that wanted me to “go over here and look at this” or “clean up this part of camp” or “go gather more firewood”, I simply sat still and waited.  In time, the thoughts calmed down and for lack of a better term I “floated” in place.

Later in the morning, I felt a slightly different impulse.  I felt what could only be called a tugging to stand up and go somewhere.  It felt natural, unforced.  So I stood up, grabbed my rods and began asking questions.  Can I leave this space and go for a hike?  Yes.  Will it be beneficial?  Yes.  Am I being called?  Yes.  These and a handful more confirmed to me that I was listening to spirit and not some form of mental distraction.  Once decided, the rods swung northward in a solid direction and I strolled out of camp.

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The Empty Woods

I’ve not done a post on my Earth energy work lately.  I’ve continued daily but I’ve just not had the time to really write about it.  This morning I’ve found myself with a small bit of a respite and I thought I would tell a tale of something happening locally for me.  I will warn you it is not a happy tale.  It is, however, a lesson for those of us that want to work with the Earth.

Down the hill from us is where my daughter and I first found what we called the “Fey spot.”  We found it over two years ago with a bit of dowsing.  It sat centered around a group of Birch tree roots and up along a very old creek that cuts through the county.  (This is the same creek that I would later have an encounter with an elemental while doing a video for my Youtube channel.)  During my sessions there and the occasional offerings I would bring, I came to learn that the elementals there were none too happy.  This was mainly due to a walking trail that was later cut through the very center of their area.  When we first found it there was only a small game trail but still, the feeling we received at first was defensive, as if they knew the trail was coming.  They felt encroached upon, stomped upon with little respect given.

My daughter, wife and I built faerie houses there before we knew the trail was coming.  We did it to show them SOMEONE cared about them.  When the trail came through the workers building it took out two of the small houses.  Mine was the only one left standing because it was further away from the trail cut, a tiny little stick cabin tucked at the base of a twin tree.   I maintained the house for some time and after the light winter we had it seemed to weather the cold very well. It had a moss roof and a small bark porch.  Inside we later placed a small piece of crystal from a geode as a centerpiece.

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