I began writing this early this morning in response to the last few days. It’s been an odd Halloween, to be sure.
What I have discovered after last night is that something occurred this Summer right after Solstice which caused me to drift away and lose momentum on my spiritual path. The problem being I can’t figure out what it was or how it happened.
As I approached Samhain, I began to realize all of this. It came as a shock as I realized I wasn’t ready for the upcoming end of the Cycle. It didn’t really hit me until the 30th when I realized I wanted to do a sneak peak for the weekend and couldn’t immediately find my Wildwood cards. We have just recently moved which explains some of that and they were located fairly quickly. (This small reading is discussed further down.) However, it’s not really like me to not know where my tools are located. What also came up was that I felt like I was “waking up” in direct relation to the veil growing thinner. Why had I not done more readings? More experiments with spirit? More connection? It almost felt like an episode of “spiritual lost time” except this was not a period of a hours but, instead, months.
Looking back during the dark hours of the All Hallows, I was able to pinpoint the time I hit the fog. I can see my last full reading was the Questing Path reading which I mentioned in the last post. I’ve looked through it for clues but I don’t see any. The real concerning element is that I never realized I was moving away from all of this. It simply stopped being a priority. This post is an attempt for me to work through it.
From the perspective of November 1st, I can see the shift but I do not understand why. There are a few large things I think might be responsible but, again, I cannot be sure.
1.) 2016 has been an intense year but the months following the Summer Solstice and to the present have been the most intense I have dealt with in over 10 years. A lot of transition, a lot of change and this almost numbing feeling of crisis around every corner. The last time a series of events occurred of this magnitude I clung to my spirituality like a man hanging onto a tree in a flood. I am quite sure it’s one of the only reasons I came out the other side. This time, and this is what concerns me, I moved more away from Spirit. I did not abandon it. I continued my meditations, my connection but I did so in a much different way. I’m not entirely sure it was the best way.
2.) Right before Summer Solstice I was very active and felt very confident with my spiritual interactions and my work. Shortly after that, nothing. My writing on the blog stopped. My journals stopped. My readings stopped. I realized last week, with a start, I had even stopped carrying around the stones I usually carry and the pendulum I like to have on my person. All of this just stopped around late June/early July.
3.) At the time this began I was working with the Questing Path spread again. I’ve mentioned before that I feel the Questing Path is a VERY intense reading and has a way of bringing on change at an intense pace. The last time I drifted away from the blog, my notes and my path was right after I had begun working with the spread. From all appearances, it had happened again. Also, given the fact I had no interest in using the Questing Path last night during my annual Samhain reading could also be a clue.
When I write these out and look at them I think #2 is the creepiest to me. Even while writing it I had to stop and really pause. Something definitely occurred. But what? It’s like walking into a room and knowing something is stolen but you can’t quite put your finger on it. What the Hell had happened?
To be honest, a part of me wants to look outside of my self for sources. Was I beglamoured somehow? Did someone decide to throw a curse my way? Did I anger a spirit or irritate the Fey? Did I get too close to something and walk into some sort of weird curse trigger? Or did the amount of stress finally overburden me so that all I could remember to do was the basic, physical day to day? Or, did something else occur? Any? All? Some? I cannot discount anything and I’m concerned I may never know.
And, oddly enough, as I write about it here and as November 1 moves along there is another aspect I am remembering from the late Summer and early Fall. I can remember thinking, “Oh, I should look at the cards about X.” or “It would be nice to work with X for a bit. That would be fun.” However, each time I had those thoughts I’m realizing I took the attitude of “Meh. I got this. I don’t need to check in with those.” And so, I never moved forward with it. It was like I was either too busy or too blinded to really care.
This seems so very odd to me.
The days from Saturday the 29th until today seem to be a long stretch of “waking up.” When I realized that Samhain was less than a day away, I hurriedly found my Wildwood cards and my Faeries Oracle and did a “sneak peak” kind of reading. Two cards for what I should expect on the 31st. It was the first reading I had done since July.
A positive shift was occurring, to be sure. The combination of those two cards is too strong to ignore. A shifting was occurring as my energy moved away from where ever it had been and towards the more powerful energy of the Green Man. It was a positive reading and caused me to look even more forward to the 31st. However, on the 30th, I had only slightly begun to wake-up. It seemed like a quick preview and, now, looking back, like a sneaky joke Spirit was letting me in on. “Tee-hee, he doesn’t even realize he’s still asleep! Wait until Samhain!” I also have to wonder if I had placed myself into a reclusive state and distanced myself from the energy work because another part of myself knew I was about to shed my skin?
Even on Samhain, I did a small reading but the cards seemed to fight me. I would try to ground and then find myself ungrounded. I had to force myself to sit down just before midnight to do a reading and I’m actually considering discarding it because the cards were so negative. As if they were saying, “No. Not now. Not yet. Wait.”
But yet, all day and night yesterday, I could feel Spirit tapping at me, wanting to talk to me. It was like an itch I could not scratch and the cards, which usually work well for me, were not helping. I considered trying some automatic writing and even did some small work with my pendulum and a spirit board. However, the later turned out only garbled letters. On the positive side, the energy last night was good. We had an ancestor’s feast and the food was excellent. I took a nice nighttime walk among swirling leaves. It was peaceful.
And that was my Samhain. Today, I feel very groggy and tired, spent. Like I am still waking up and, well, I suppose I probably am!
My question at this point is this. Has anyone else, well experienced in this work, ever encountered something of this nature? I would love to hear more as I investigate and work through it all. I’ll be doing some readings soon. I’ll be too tired tonight as I go straight from work to a social event for one of my children. If you’ve encountered something like this I’d appreciate whatever knowledge you may have to share.
More to come, I hope.
Still waking up,