At the end of my last post I stated that I was “happily derailed.” This proved more true than I realized and as I continued my practice of staying in the Now and working with Earth Energy and divination, an odd thing occurred. I ran out of things to say! Well, not so much that I was out of things to say but I ran out of inspiration of HOW to say it. I became stuck with how to put those experiences into words accurately. For the first time I truly encountered what I had read in other books and research, that the Way cannot be described with words. It can only be felt, experienced. I think I ran through at least five different attempts to write a blog post and each time it became more and more frustrating. To laugh at myself even further, it wasn’t until the fourth or fifth time that I realized what was happening! I finally understood that Spirit/God/Universe/Being/The Way can only be shared or described through our stories and myth. So, in staying true to the practice, I observed my frustration and let it go.
As it often goes, the minute you let something go you often get a lesson to sink the point home. As a bonus, by working through the lesson I was then given fodder for a blog post! First, a bit of back story and then I’ll bring it around and I think you can see how the puzzle pieces all fit together.
Last week I again began to draw a Wildwood Tarot card at the beginning of my day. I had stopped doing this for several months but I had started a new journal and I realized I missed the experience and meditation of drawing a card in the peacefulness of the pre-dawn hours with a warm cup of coffee and my dowsing rods. The first few days went very well and the cards offered a nice reflection before starting my day. Life, for the past several weeks, had settled into a peaceful and enjoyable pattern. Something that, for most of my life, I am not used to having but have recently been trying, successfully, to materialize. Then, on Tuesday, the challenge occurred.
In the Wildwood Tarot the Guardian is a bit of a stand-in for the Devil card. It indicates a challenge arriving in your life, a breaking away from bondage created either by yourself or an outside source. More importantly, “… now is the time to take control of your fears and deal with the insecurity with courage and integrity.” However, after a series of pleasant weeks, seeing a card like this took me off guard.
Immediately upon pulling it I realized it for what it was, a test of everything I had been writing about here! As stated in previous posts, what do you do when you get a card that rumbles an ominous portent for the rest of a day that appears to be going very well? Well, here was my chance to practice!
I took a long look at this card and I felt my mind start to race as my Ego rushed to fill in the day with all manner of problems and issues brought up by the Guardian. I immediately ran through my awareness exercises of staying in the Now and forced myself to simply sit quietly and observe how my mind was reacting to seeing the Guardian. Oddly enough, I had the thought-image of an over excited chimpanzee seeing the Guardian and screaming out warnings and then running for a tree! I chuckled to myself but had to admit the image was accurate. The other thought-image I had was me simply taking the card, turning it over and putting it back in the deck like it never happened. How often do we do THAT when something unpleasant arrives in our life? For a few minutes I sat very quietly and just observed my thinking, reminding myself of some of Tolle’s words.
Things calmed. I thanked Spirit for the information and I reminded myself that right here, right now, the morning was still pretty amazing, my coffee was tasty and there was absolutely nothing wrong. I resolved to continue through my day in high spirits, positive and in the present moment. If the Guardian appeared I would strive to stay centered and focused on the now and not let my chattering ego mind run off into stories that were not true.
In short, I was successful. The day continued and was uneventful. An interesting thing began to occur about mid day. I noticed it began to sprout and grow from conversations and internet interactions I had experienced throughout the day. I became aware, again, of not only a fear of success but a fear of happiness! I could suddenly see it very clearly, more clearly than I had ever seen it previously. It’s not something that’s unusual among people. Many people carry these fears with them. It was also not the first time it had raised it’s hoary head to me on a personal level. However, it was the first time it had been so crystalline. To top it off, I’m not sure I would have been aware of it if I had not drawn the Guardian in the first place AND, in addition, stayed centered, calm and observant about how it would manifest. It began to appear that the Guardian was not an event but a mindset. As Life continued to calm for me was I going to embrace change or would I do something else to allow myself to fall back into unhappiness? This is what the Guardian had come to discuss with me. Old habits or new choices? Which would it be?
All of this because I stayed in the central power spot of the Now. It was the final answer to the question I had posed so many months ago and had been chewing on like a piece of gristle ever since. How was it helpful or useful to use divination to get an understanding of the future (or the past) if one is attempting to stay in the present moment? What is the answer? As stated in the previous post, as long as you stay centered within the present moment, it is sometimes necessary to look forward in order to plan and to look backward to review. However, one must never allow themselves to be pulled away from that present moment while they are doing so. In this final example, I was given some advance warning that the Guardian was arriving but I did not let it pull me off-center. Because I took that perspective, I was able to stay calm and to work with some very important energies regarding some more subtle, subconscious fears. I wonder how the Guardian would have manifested had I not done this? A source of other research, perhaps?
Thanks for sticking with me through these series of posts. I think some very important ground has been covered and hopefully it will be helpful for beginner readers in the future. For now, this is the end of this particular subject. I believe what was to be learned and has occurred and I have an answer to my question.
The weather is improving in my neck of the woods and Spring energy has already begun bubbling to the surface. I’m looking forward to getting some serious dirt time so, from here, the next few posts will focus on my earth energy explorations, dowsing and my interactions with those energies. If things go well, I’ll hopefully have a few field videos to share as well.