When I started this path over twenty years ago, one of the things I wanted more than anything was to find a hawk feather. I had been told in a vision that when I found the feather it would be a signal from the Universe and Mother Nature that I had “arrived.” That it would be a marker that I had “made it” to a certain level of competence. That this would bring me great confidence, great connection and great responsibility. I would not receive the feather until I was ready to use what I had been taught wisely and for others.
As a youth, I looked high and low. I mistook turkey feathers and owl feathers. I would find a feather I didn’t recognize and rush to ID it. I really WANTED that marker. I wanted it a bit too much. Hawk has appeared to me more times than I can count and has been a constant herald of incoming change or messages. He or she has never dropped me a feather.
It has, indeed, been a hectic time for me since the Winter Solstice. New job, new apartment, new life. With the arrival of late Spring and Summer most of my free time has been spent out with Mother Nature. As first harvest came and went, I was even busier harvesting the garden and numerous plants for my natural dye work which I started last year. Between this, family, work, and more impending change, I was running myself in numerous directions.
Then, I got sick. It hit me hard last weekend. A one-two punch of sinus and bronchial that has leveled me for four days. I’ve not been that sick for several years. When that happens I always pay attention and try to figure out what it’s telling me.
I took a long hot bath on the night of the Blue Moon and during it I tranced. Being submerged in the water, my hand providing a cushion which kept my nose just above the water, I could hear my heart and used it as a drum to take me into Dreamtime. Once there I was approached by one of my helpers and shown a nasty little “something” that had imbedded itself in my shoulder/neck. She pulled it and puss drained from it and into the water. I was told to drain the tub water and to refill. I surfaced to consciousness and did so. Once full with soothing hot water, I submerged again with my heart drumming my path downward.
Suddenly, I was shown an image of antlers (I remember it was at least an eight point rack) and in the curve of the rack, slightly above it, within the tines, sat a full, glowing moon. It filled my vision and I was told that this was important. This was a symbol of what I followed and what followed me. This was Unity and that the Time was coming for me. I was asked, “Do you understand?” I responded, “As much I believe I can, yes.” I was filled with a deep peace, a sense of health, Unity and happiness. Other images came to me. Private ones. A few of my totems came and went. Reminding me who they are and that they are around. They walked/padded/flew in front of the Moon and the Antlers and they each looked at me quietly as they passed, acknowledging our connection.
The scene faded as my daughter knocked on the door, informing me I had been in for over an hour and that she wanted to use the bathroom.
Over an hour? Wow. I pulled myself out of Dreamtime and out of the tub. I felt better but the cold/flu would end up sticking around that evening, the physical symptoms lessening once the spiritual cure was enacted.
Yesterday, while leaving work from home I happened to be walking down a small alley.
Lying to the side was a hawk feather.
I didn’t believe it at first. I had learned, years ago, to give up in my search. It would happen if it was supposed to happen. My constant searching was nothing but immaturity and I needed to let go. This was probably ten years ago. I stood staring at the feather for a few seconds and then leaned down to gently pick it from the gravel. I couldn’t help but smile.
Waking this morning from the first deep and restful sleep I’ve had in weeks, I felt renewed and truly awake for the first time in a long time. The symptoms are nearly gone and I have clarity again.
I am awake.