Shadow Boxing

What is insecurity? By default, of course, it is a lack of security. It is a state of being open, unprotected, and a lack of faith in oneself or one’s abilities. What is security? It is confidence that you can’t be harmed, that you are protected OR that you are backed up by something powerful. You have faith in yourself and in something larger. In this realm of magic and myth, the two are interconnected. An insecurity is believing you are not good enough to do “X”. A security is knowing no matter what happens, you can do “X” for the right reasons and still learn something even if you don’t succeed.

An insecurity will make you confused, anxious or be in doubt if you receive a negative comment. They undermine you. With security, you fall back on your training, you shrug it off as no big deal.

At the Morrigan’s request, I’ve been exploring the origins of my own insecurities. It’s been going on for several days now with reviews of my childhood, my adolescence, what made me me, etc.  It’s a bit like volunteering to dig into your own dirt before the warrior queen standing next to you hits you with the shovel.

In martial arts there is a jumping off point beginners have to learn. It’s not only learning how to hit someone (most people just don’t know how or, thankfully, have never had to) but it’s also learning how to take a hit. How it feels to take a shot to the blocking arm or to the body. It’s learning how to deal with the pain and the distracting sensations. You eventually get to a point where you feel it but it’s not necessarily pain. It’s just a sensation and you keep going. You build up a tolerance. You also build up confidence.

Two mornings ago I had a dream with the Morrigan.  As usual, she was in full black battle armor, dark mail gloves, boots and her black cloak of crow feathers.  We stood on frozen bare earth, in a clearing with dark pine woods encircling us.  There was not so much snow on the ground as just heavy frost.  There was snow in the pines, I remember that. There was a chill in the air, little glitterings of frost in the air and I could see our breath as we spoke.  The ground crunched underneath us as we stepped and moved.

She was punching me.  It was a type of martial training and she kept coming in with these heavy shots of those black mailed fists. WHAM! WhaM! I kept my head covered, taking the shots, feeling their impact on my upper arm, my shoulder as I covered. I could feel the cold metal of her gauntlets hitting me, the cold making the sensation worse. As soon as a punch landed I would attempt to grab, wrap and counter-strike. She would kick me off of or slide out and then bring the other fist around. I’d dodge one or two then WHAM!

Then, we would step back. She would say something, point to my blocking arm, point to me, say something else. She was blunt, direct but I don’t remember her words. All I know is that She wanted me to get used to the feeling of being punched by a hard mailed fist. It was part of the training. I was sore and bleeding but not tired.

Then, we would go again. I’m not sure how long the dream had gone. All I know is that she stopped, nodded and did her disappearing act.

I woke up.

I chewed on the meaning of the dream for some time. Finally, she whispered a clue in my ear, “Insecurities.” And then, I understood. In the dream-time, where symbols are key, she was symbolically teaching me how to shake off the veritable “slings and arrows” that make up insecurities. She was toughening me up.  I was being taught to react to those insecurities as you would take a hit in martial arts training.  Don’t get emotional.  It’s not personal.  It’s practice.

Later in the day I heard her again and wrote this out quickly on a notepad file. “”With an insecurity, you can’t take the hit. You can’t take a negative comment. You’re scared of opinions, you scared of what others think, you allow yourself to be controlled by others and are unable to stand your ground unless angry or mad. When that happens, when emotion takes over, you cannot react with skill. A warrior should react with skill and control.”

“Insecurities bring you doubt. They cause hesitation. They knock you off-balance. In training you learn they are nothing, that they do not effect you and they do not stick. If this is practiced you are then able to act in calm and confidence.  You can stand your ground without your ego interfering.”

“When you can do that, you’re ready.”

My next question was, of course, “Ready for what?”

“Growth,” was her single answer.

 


Reading for New Moon to Full Moon – November to December

I took some time this morning during the cazimi window of the Sagittarius New Moon to do a general reading regarding the upcoming energies for all of us.  For a few weeks now I keep feeling the energies surrounding the Winter Solstice will be particularly intense as we finish up the year that was 2016.   I was curious to see what these upcoming energies might be in play as we peak upwards toward the full moon on the 14th.

To that end, I drew three cards.

  • First card – What is the general energy between now and the full moon?
  • Second card – Commentary on the first card.  More detail.  More information.
  • Third card – Information from the Fey realm as to the same time period?

The minute I saw the cards, I knew I neededto get this written and posted.

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First card – The Tower 

Right.  This isn’t the first time the Tower has come up about this time period.  It came up in the Lenormand for my reading regarding the current political situation.  Here, the Tower is coming down.  Well held beliefs, authority and structure are going to fall apart.  I am still unsure how this will come about but given what we are seeing with recounts, electoral votes and a volatile country and president elect I have to lean that direction.  Heads up, everyone.  2016 isn’t done with us yet.

Second Card – Eight of Pentacles

This was a commentary card to the first card.  Given the far reaching implications of the Tower.  My first thoughts with the 8 of Pentacles were “keep your head down and focus on what’s in front of you, what is important.”  I also feel this talks about doing only your best spiritual work at this time.  Do not let the chaos of the Tower falling distract you from doing your best work with the best intention.  Keep doing what you are doing with focus and intent.

Third Card – Ilbe the Retriever

Sweet Ilbe!  Ilbe is saying that something lost will be found, will be returned to us.  Perhaps it’s a sense of sanity and focus after an insane few months?  Perhaps it’s clarity?  Something is coming back to the scene that we thought was gone, lost?  My first hopeful thoughts is that we will see a stabilization and positive, direct proof that key positive traits such as honor, equality and compassion are returned and shown to be important.

Not much more to add than that, I suppose?  We will have to wait and see how things shake out and what comes toppling down over the next few weeks.

Hang in there everyone!

If you have thoughts or commentary on the cards feel free to leave a comment!

Strength and Peace.


“One Card for You, One Card for Me.”

Since speaking with the Morrigan and agreeing to work with her I had a day where she was just not around.  Monday was fairly normal and the first day in a week where the blue flame image wasn’t prominent in my inner vision.  I spent the day asking, for the most part, “Ok, what next?”

This morning, during my morning card reading, she returned.  I was shuffling my Wildwood tarot and I felt her arrive.  This, in itself, is very hard to describe. It is a simple knowing, a presence.  I feel a shift and the dark blue flames tingle up my arms.

I greeted her and heard her say, “You asked a question about our work?”  I agreed and a simple statement came to my inner ear, “One card for you, one card for me.”  She stared at me and stayed behind my left shoulder as I drew both cards.  With the second card, I could feel her guiding my hand to the card.

So, there it was.  One card would be for my physical day, work, life, family, etc.  The second card would be for her.  It would tell me my first trial.  Fair enough.

I won’t show many of these and I’m guessing there will be several such lessons from her through the cards.  I’ve decided to show you this one because once you see the cards you’ll see just how apt the whole thing ended up being.  It’s also a bit of proof that the Morrigan is direct, engaging and no-nonsense.

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The first card, the card for me, the Four of Arrows, is about rest, about taking it easy.  Today, for me, is very much like this.  With the holiday nearby and me being off tomorrow, today will be easy.  After the intense weeks I have run since September, this is a welcome site.   More importantly, it’s a call to engage that rest, to be conscious of it.

The second card, the card from her.  Seven of Arrows ~ Insecurity.

Straight to the point.  The first step of the Morrigan’s teaching?  Time to dig up those insecurities and start looking at them.

“Start today and use your rest wisely,” she said.  “These insecurities need to go first before we continue and you will know when to draw the next card.  Address them, tend to them.  Sort them out and identify them.  It will be easier to weed them out.”

“All of them?”

“If not all, most,” she said and gave me that direct, black-eye stare.

“Well,” I said jokingly, “I’m gonna need a bigger boat.”

She just stared at me, gave me a half smile and a crook of an eyebrow to show me amusement and disappeared again.

She’s fond of me.  I can tell.

 

 


The Queen of Crows

(This is a very personal post which I did not want to initially publish.  I believe that part of my work with the Morrigan is to show my process with her, to help others to see or understand.  She has told me this isn’t for me.  It’s helpful and is necessary.  To be honest, I cannot guarantee I will keep this post up for very long.  We will see how this goes.)

On Sunday, I took a walk out into a chilly morning right after dawn to have a little sit down chat with the Morrigan.  You know, like you do…  I felt called to shoot a little video before hand which I did.  It’s over on my youtube channel if you want to see it.  I think now it was just a way for me to calm my nerves and to have some record in case I disappeared, swooped up in a dark cloud of crow wings and fury.  (Just kidding…I think.)

Shortly after filming I sat there and talked to her.  Well, I talked, she mainly listened.  Sitting on a log, nestled by some sheltering cedar from the cold breeze.  I was alone in meditation.  My eyes were closed, focused on my inner vision.

Unlike other spirits or visions, contact with her is crystal clear.  There are no “halfway” ideas of what I saw or didn’t see.  I don’t have to stretch for anything.  It’s typically in high-def.   Unlike the unclothed and long-maned Dark Lady from the Faeries Oracle, she was dressed in bulky, weathered, black leather armor, crow feathers and dark fur at her shoulders.  Her hair was black and unruly, cropped short falling just above her eyebrows and just below her ears. It looked like it had been cut with a knife.  On her back draped a long cloak that shimmered between dark blue, black and crow/raven feathers.

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Presidential Information Round-up and Reading

I like to use the resource of youtube to review the information provided by card readers and channelers as we move into or through a major world event or news story.  I’ve been doing this for awhile but this will be the first time I’ve talked about it here.  If this is well received, I’ll maybe make this a feature here in the future.

I think we are all in agreement that this presidential election process was terrible.   When I heard the results of the election I wasn’t overly shocked as others.  I was saddened, however, for our country.  Being a fan of history and political science, I saw this coming months ago.  In addition, we tricksters recognize our own, for good and for ill.  There was way too much underestimation going on in regards to the now President-Elect and, as I like to say, underestimation is the Trickster’s playground.

The days following the election I took to Youtube and began going over numerous videos focused on card readings and the presidential election.  I stayed to within a week of the election, disregarding readings that were further away than that.  The future is constantly spinning and swirling.  In this case, even more so.  I wanted to see what was being said just before the election and just afterwards.

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Circling the Dark Flame

What a roller-coaster week.  Fallout from the election, the Taurus Supermoon and then the event from my previous post about the dark blue fire.   All this year I’ve drawn cards on the energies of this year and over and over I have received the Six of Arrows – Transition or The Journey (Death).  Over and over two words have sprung up, transition and transformation.  It almost feels like a season finale doesn’t it?  On top of that it appears to be a cliffhanger!  (If you go by Samhain being the end of the year it was DEFINITELY a cliffhanger, right?  Tune in next cycle for the stunning conclusion!)

In regards to the image of the dark blue fire, it’s become very central to me, one of the foremost things on my mind. Since I first had the image, it has stuck with me and has been a perpetual image on my inner space.  As I’ve processed and looked into things it has simply been there, waiting.  The rest of this post goes into it, goes into the larger tarot and card reading I did regarding it, the signs and experiences I’m having and then what I’ve decided about it.

My goal, by openly talking about it here, is education so less experienced readers might get a look, via a walk through of the past few days, of how to analyze and work through similar experiences.

Click below and make sure you have a cup of something tasty before you do.

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Dark Blue Fire

It was shortly after reading a post entitled “Be The Dark” by Druid John Beckett over on Pantheon that I was hit with the visualization. During a break at work I took a moment, closed my eyes and focused on why I felt his blog post had hit me so hard, why had it resonated so strongly with me?  I knew I had been holding back fears, processing angers and doubts.  I also was aware of the information passed on to me from the tarot readings on the recent super moon.   Maintain your center.  Be aware of emotions at full tide.  Balance.

I highly recommend you give it a look.  It’s focus is on what to do if you’re just not feeling connected to the Light?  What if you are still angry, upset and just plain mad?  In the post he talks about how, if you can’t be the Light, you should be the Dark.

Now,  I’m not known for my dark side wanderings.  I shy away from my anger and try to process it.  I typically stick pretty close to the Light and to my connection with nature in the daytime.  Flowers instead of thorns.  However, as I’ve grown older I’ve had an increased urge toward the thorns. As I stopped to think about the Dark, I was reminded of my first encounter with a dark nature spirit which occurred over twenty years ago.  It taught me that all was not as it seemed.

I would consider it a “dark Fey.”  Many, many years ago, I was fortunate enough to live in the country and to have a garage.  I had set up an altar in the garage and I used it as a ritual space for oracle work or meditation.  Two to three times a week, oftentimes more, I would sage and purify the space.  It was a good place.  We would have nearby nature spirits come by for a visit and some took up residence.  Many people commented on how “safe” they felt in that sanctuary.   We would have dinner in there with friends on the nights the Wheel turned.  One night, unable to sleep, I wandered in there to settle myself down for some quiet meditation/visualization at around 2 AM.  Just as I flipped on the light I felt this “whoosh” and had the sense of a dark, flowing spiky thing dashing underneath the cover of the altar table.  I also felt/sensed some of my Fey friends yell,  “turn the light off!”

I did so quickly but immediately went on the defensive.  Though I wanted to immediately go on the defensive, grabbing my sage and calling up shields, I did not.  I didn’t feel it was necessary.  I KNEW the wards on the space were solid and in place.  Whatever it was that was there, it had made it through the wards which meant, by default, it was okay.

I talked to it.  I coaxed it out of from underneath the table.  I asked if it was ok to light a small candle and was told it was.   The spirit felt dark as night and, as I said, spiky, like an odd mix of a goblin, spider and a scorpion.  It was also scared.  I did a quick card reading in hopes of learning more and I pulled the 5 of Pentacles.  Poverty.  Exhaustion.  It was just looking for a place to “warm up.”

With caution, I allowed it to stay the night and to return as needed.  I began to leave it offerings on the spirit plate I kept at that time.  I agreed that the lights in the garage would never come on after midnight or before 7 AM or dawn, whichever came first.  It did return and was always respectful and quite gracious.  It brought a few friends and the energy up there in the middle of the night was incredibly intense.  It was not for the faint of heart.   Over time, I found a friend with that dark spirit.

Now, do not misunderstand me, there is a distinct difference between Dark and Malicious.  Something may be Dark but not malicious or, as much as I hate to use the word, “evil.”  Another way I’ve been told to look at it is to say that some things do not appreciate the light of day time.  Though it may make them fuel for our fears it does not make them evil monsters.  My encounter that night  many years ago and the ones that followed changed the way I look at “shadow” things.  The spirit I met that night was no more evil than a black fox, a panther or a creepy looking spider.  Just because it was “of the dark” did not make it malicious or vengeful or any other stereotypical attributes some might jump towards.  I was reminded of the Batman or The Shadow from my youthful comic book days.  I learned that not all things dark and spiky were negative or evil.

It was my first interaction with “The Dark.”  Over the years, I would have many, many more.

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So, today, after reading the post I  mention above  I sat back, centered and, focused on my feelings regarding “being the dark.”  It felt fine.  It felt comfortable.   How odd!  It’s been some time since I had thought about that other side.  I could not ignore the resonance I was feeling.  I’ve known for some time that in order to grow and evolve I would need to look into the darker side of myself.  Was this what it was about?  Is this what the recent events, both at Samhain and the weeks following, were preparing me for?

As I sat and meditated on these questions an image sprang directly in front of my eyes with great power.  It was nothing that I had ever seen before; a single, large dark blue flame with light blue defining it’s flickering, burning edges.  It simply sat in front of me.  I saw nothing else but I felt much more.  I felt strength and, surprisingly, comfort and peace.  Though I felt a presence I heard or sensed no other communication except the sensations I was receiving.  It just hovered there, waiting, until I came out of trance and needed to get back to work.

So, now, I need to look into this further.  What was that Blue Flame all about?  What does it mean?  What about the Dark?  This evening and tomorrow I will be delving into it further as I have time to do so.  If anyone reading this has information on the aspects concerning a dark blue ball of flame with light blue fringes, please feel free to let me know in the comments.

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